Today I feel celebratory on one hand and heavy hearted on the other. It has been exactly one year since I first arrived in beautiful British Columbia. This year, or rather year and a half, has been a time of self exploration, transition, transformation, navigating unknown and uncharted territory all the while discovering myself and being supported in the most beautiful and life affirming way.
In the past couple of weeks I have been working through some uncomfortable emotional territory in the heart chakra realm. Fitting since the focus of the past week at the store, where I do Tarot consultations, was on the heart chakra. What has been bubbling up to the surface is anger, and what lies beneath are old limiting beliefs that I likely learned as a youngster. They have been filed somewhere deep in my unconscious mind surely for quite a while now. Somehow my mind is ready to show me these beliefs. Perhaps because I asked to be shown or perhaps because I need to see them in order to shift them to allow for something new to enter. Regardless, limiting beliefs separate us from who we truly are at the source: divine love - deeply radiant beings.
I won't go into all the details of my experiences over the past couple of weeks, though they have all seemed to surface at this time for a reason: to allow me to see how I give away my power in relationship, through clinging to things that are not. I am also seeing my relation to abandonment or rather fear of being let down. My perception of the situation and objective reality do not match. The lens through which I experience life is created by my beliefs - two people in the same situation can have two completely different experiences. The message I received is that I need to cultivate patience and just let go. Easier said than done! I get that I cannot control other people and I also know that I will continue to create similar experiences like these until I fully process them and get to the root. I suppose now is the time. This is an uncomfortable process and I am committed to myself. I am beginning to understand that if you pay attention to your own thoughts, you can become your own wise guide and your own best friend. :o)
Today felt like a suitable day to write this kind of post. I tend to write exciting excerpts about fun new adventures and discoveries. Too, I love sharing the wonderfully exciting bright and shiny parts of my life, yet sometimes there is grit. I am okay with that. It feels like I am authentically honouring myself in acknowledging these parts. So while I am quietly celebrating my "self" for having the courage to go on a journey, to carve out a life that feels truly nourishing and fitting for my soul, I am also working through some darn uncomfortable feelings. I think I am clearing some darkness in my heart space to prepare for new light to enter....expansion. A new heart connection is on its way.
Happy Canada Day!