I am sure many people are celebrating their loved ones today, as I am in my own special way. What has been coming up for me lately though is the realization of a lack of love for myself...This is not the case all the time, though I am certainly aware of the ways in which I do not love myself fully and completely. I think for some, we learn to truly love ourselves by first knowing what it feels like to be in "unlove", at least this seems to be my path.
On a day like today, with all the love in the air, I thought I would feel pure bliss and in full self-love. Let's see: I recall having fun today going on a mini road trip with a friend, being excited by witnessing community, creativity and cohesion, and yet I also felt some frustration and a lot of fatigue. This seems to be true for me often these days, and this state is likely directly correlated to some healing work I am doing on my mind, body, and spirit.
Part of being in self-love, in my view, is being loving with yourself no matter what. It is about loving yourself through the uncomfortable, the pain, and accepting yourself in that less than perfect place, the place of uncertainty. We are human beings and to love oneself to me means to honor what comes up, even if it's not pretty. It has got to come up to come out they say. Unfortunately, many of us have been taught to only show what looks good; smiling is good, and tears in public places are usually not good.
Lately, I have been feeling less than luminous. In these times what I cling to is the knowing that change is the only constant. I know I am that deeply luminescent radiant being I have once experienced myself to be, and I am working on excavating the blocks and rebuilding that self-love to a whole new level of depth and an even deeper sense of knowing. So no matter what day it is, I am in full expression of self-love.
Perhaps a day like today is a good one to reflect on your self-love level, and to be content with whatever answers you come up with. Asking these questions and listening for the answers, in my opinion, is a key part of the process to cultivating infinite amounts of love for the self and others.